American Samizdat

Saturday, August 18, 2012. *
Note to My Half Brother Chris Shropshire: Here's Why I Think You're a Fuckin' Moron for Enlisting

(Actually, I'll be writing more about this. You should consider this a first chapter, pretty boy Chrissy...)

 So anywho, my half brother Christopher Shropshire, who recently enlisted in the War Crimes or Us American Army  like a fuckin' moron, posted this on his Facebook page.

So, you know, I think I wrote something but by my own standards of cruelty it was quite harmless. I can't check because I've been defriended by my own  by own half brother (big loss but more on this Facebook later...) and so I think I wrote:

"Well I think that enlisting was a mistake but nobody thinks you're a pussy for it. On the other hand, it's kinda cool having a half brother who can do consulting work for 'Burn Notice'."

And that's it. His wife responded and it was kind of sarcastic because it wasn't the Support the Troops Fox news bullshit that she's used to hearing. And that's all right. I think I said that I liked the post even when I didn't mainly as a friendly gesture because if Chris Shropshire wants to go off and murder Afghan civilians, accidentally I'm sure,  hey that's up to him. We all have different and ironic ideas of what constitutes "fun". I'm sure they'll all die justifiably. Yes I'm being sarcastic all those dead civilians notwithstanding.

So then I get this private message from Christopher Shropshire, possible future war criminal or Ranger School dropout or deserving casualty of the war -- because we never know what the wondrous future may bring -- which says this:

 " i saw you comment that my joing the army was a mistake. 1. nobody fucking asked you 2. you're a not even a has been you're just a never been. we're done I'm not going to waste anymore time on this shit because just being you is punishment enough.."

First, your grammar is just atrocious. But seriously almost every word that Chris writes is, almost, completely fucking wrong. Not to mention badly written...that's the worst offense.

Well, as they say in the movies, "allow me to retort".

1. nobody fucking asked you

Actually, you can screen your posts in Facebook so that certain people only see certain things. Unfortunately, because you're kind of dim witted about Facebook protocols the post was made available  to all your so-called "friends". So, as a matter of fact, you were asking me fuckwit. I hope you're getting the details better on munitions training. Gosh, it would just break my heart if something bad happened to you.  It's good to see that the army is still recruiting the Best and the Brightest Gomer Pyle.

2. you're a not even a has been you're just a never been.

Technically, this will require some tricky phrasing, but the truth of it is that I'm a "was been" and "still am". I am a prolific and widely published professional writer because, hey, I'm smarter and more talented than you Chris.  I've written about things that you and your deeply stupid twat wife (the war (many wars in fact if you consider the range of our drone strikes)  is about defending me Jen Shropshire...are you that naive?) can barely pronounce. I don't brag  about it because I'm not so insecure about my manhood and what I've accomplished as a writer  that  I have to defriend people on Facebook who say slightly sarcastic things to me. Semper Fi or whatever....

Oh, and for the record, I'm not that impressed by one time state congressional losers and insurance salesmen. You know the funny thing about that races is that they knew you well and they still voted against you. Perhaps they saw what I see in you: a vacuous privileged pretty boy materialistic lightweight who wouldn't understand the problems of ordinary people if they bit him in his scrawny little beige ass.

Just so you know...Hey, if working for newspapers and trying to help black folks while I was doing it makes me a loser then hey I'll take being a failure in your ever so discriminating eyes.

 we're done I'm not going to waste anymore time on this shit because just being you is punishment enough.."

Well, technically again, you never wasted time on me before. We haven't had a single conversation since Dad, the conscientious objector in the Vietnam War  who I'm sure would be brimming with pride over your enlistment, died. That was 11 years ago. I think we've had two discussions in over two years on Facebook. I usually don't comment on your silly vain materialistic posts about Kewl Cars because most of the world doesn't have enough to eat. Good to see you've got your priorities in order soldier boy. I mean, I sort of get that in that I wouldn't like the kids that my dad had from a previous life, either. So I never took it personally.

Oh, and just for the record,  here's a quick list why I have no respect for your enlistment.

1.) The main fighting is pretty much over. You'll be an occupying force essentially killing people who have the audacity to live on stuff that we want. It's like joining up to fight Hitler in 1946. (Update: I don't want to underestimate our capacity for new and unnecessary wars. You might get the distinct thrill of shooting a Nigerian freedom fighter. Then there's always Iran or the hills of Pakistan, which you're not supposed to be in...ahhh, the thrills of the military...)

2.) The wars we wage are mainly against people of color, of which I am one. I remember that apparently. I think those wars are extremely dishonorable and are not the vocations of decent or truly courageous men. Look up the terms "expropriation" and "good german". That's you in the mirror there winner. You're like a black guy who fights for the confederacy.

3.) I would be hesitant to fight and die for a country that clearly doesn't give a fuck about me or other black people.  And hey if you actually lived in a black neighborhood like I do then you would know this. The direction of this country for black Americans is privatized prisons. The fact that a black president is presiding over it doesn't necessarily make it better, although I will vote for him because he's better than Romney...who isn't? I mean, if the Nazis are back or you want me to stick a knife into a confederate soldier then, hey, sign me up. Poor colored folks abroad, backward ass theocrats though they may be, not so gung ho about that. And not for this country at this time...

4.) The wars are so blatantly about resource theft that, quite frankly, they are within their rights to kill you because you're the evil invader. They have every reason not to trust the United States. I mean, there is an informative website or a thousand if you can turn off the Hannity for awhile...

I hope that clears things up for you. You know, if something bad happened to you before this I probably could have faked a tear or two for someone I didn't know very well. Now my response would be this:

You reap what you sow. Oh and don't worry I won't come to the funeral and vice versa I would sincerely hope. It's probably not fashionable to spit on the corpse.

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posted by Philip Shropshire at 10:20 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Pretty funny, sorry about your bro.

You probably shouldn't call his wife a twat or tell him you won't show up for the funeral even to spit on his corpse, because it's obviously not true.

If you didn't care at all you wouldn't have written this.
At least show up, even if it is to spit on his grave or water the grass with your urine.

Obama has got a bunch of new secret wars going on in a dozen different countries in Africa, but since they're proxy wars and congress doesn't have to approve them. You bro might go there to train the locals to be cannon fodder, he might take a swing to the left. It happens. Don't give up on him.
6:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...
If you live in the United States you should move to a different country as you obviously do not believe in democracy. Maybe you can start a new country with all of your wisdom. You could be King and do everything the right way!

PS. As you're mother undoubtedly told you, you are so smart and special. I'm sure you're worth millions of dollars by now! If not, it's just because everybody ELSE is stupid.
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