American Samizdat

Monday, November 13, 2006. *
The Bush administration said Monday that Guantanamo Bay prisoners have no right to challenge their detentions in civilian courts and that lawsuits by hundreds of detainees should be dismissed.

Apparently, the argument the DOJ was using that detainees could spill the beans about "super doubleplus top-secret" CIA torture techniques being used on them was a bit too abstract for the general public, so they've dumbed down their position a little here. The new DOJ position is simply this: "These guys are terrorists, man! They'll kill us all! They're like... um... hamburgers... you wouldn't give rights to a HAMBURGER, would you? WOULD YOU?? We're at war! WAR! DEATH! You can't change DEATH, man! Getting all... um... bendy about the Constitution just helps them! WHY DO YOU HATE AMERICA??"

I think we can all agree that this new position is one that every good, God-fearing lunatic can support.
posted by Uncle $cam at 11:02 PM
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