Focus on the Family, the Alliance Defense Fund, Jerry Falwell, James Dobson, the Liberty Counsel, the Catholic League, American Family Association, and their attack poodle - Bill O'Reilly - have joined together to declare Santa Claus, enemy #1 in the War on Christmas.Stating Santa represents all that is wrong with Christmas, this group - now calling themselves - the Christmas Holy Warriors - have started a campaign to end the commericalism in Christmas.
"Presents under the tree?" yelled one woman, "What the hell does that have to do with Jesus?"
"The ACLU created the myth of Santa Claus to undermine Christianity," declared Pat Roberton, "Santa is not in the best interest of America, we should take him out."
Christmas Holy Warriors are encouraging their supporters to skip the commerical aspect of Christmas all together and from now on."I have seen the true face of Santa," preached Jerry Falwell, "Santa is a fallen angel, and looks like this..."
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"Santa is dead," O'Reilly gleefully told a classroom of small children on Monday, "he obscured the true meaning of Christmas. I killed him for Jesus."
Later that day, O'Reilly announced the release of his new book: Santa is a America-hating Liberal and other Interesting Facts.
UPDATE: The Christmas Holy Warriors released the following list of items to avoid during the Christmas season: colored lights, decorations, mistletoe, figgy pudding, secular songs like rudolph-the-rednosed-reindeer and frosty-the-snowman, presents of any sort, shopping, stockings, fairytales like twas-the-night-before-christmas, movies like the-polar-express, holiday sweaters, and snowglobes.
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