This is Screwy Hoolie, live from Cade's Cove, North Carolina, a gem in the Appalachian crown. Congressman John J. Duncan (R-TN), Senator Bill Frist (R-TN), and President George W. Bush descended on this hallowed ground to further acknowledge the remarkable leadership shown by the President as he boldly protects the environment against those who would value junk science over jobs.
[Actually...I'm not live from Cade's Cove at all. I heard about the event two days ago and quickly began making plans to attend. I then learned that it was a ticketed event only. In conversations with the offices of Rep. Duncan, Sen. Frist, my own Representative Charles Taylor, and Senator Liddy Dole, no amount of shameless lying could get me a golden ticket. I told them I'd volunteered for Bush in last year's campaign. I told them my sister is a volunteer in the program Bush would be touting. I told them I was a writer for a reputable online journal. No dice. So I'm sitting in my kitchen in my underwear rather than asking pointed questions to the Commander in Chief.]
President Bush gathered an unusually diverse group for the event, inviting a cub scout troop, nearly a hundred old, white Republican party donors, and, in what marks a first for the President, several hundred protestors were invited to share their views.
Touting a the volunteer program that has saved the National Park Service almost 2 million dollars, President Bush asserted that, "Gettin' folks to work for free is cheaper than paying them." Once the cub scouts were cleared from the area, the President took questions from the assembled protestors. In a remarkably fact-filled jamboree of awkward, hostile questions, George W. Bush was asked to respond to the following "facts":
"Acid deposition: The Smokies suffer from some of the worst acid-deposition problems in North America. Clouds blanketing the sensitive spruce-fir forests found on Clingmans Dome, the highest peak in the Smokies, are often as acidic as vinegar. On average, rainfall in the park is five to ten times more acidic than normal rainwater.
Degraded scenic vistas: The spectacular overlooks for which this park is known are severely impaired by human-generated polluted haze. Under natural conditions, views extended for more than 100 miles. Because of air pollution, however, park visitors can expect to see only 25 miles on average.
Ozone pollution: Great Smoky has the highest ozone exposure at levels harmful to plants of any national park in America. Thirty plant species in the park show signs of damage from ozone pollution, including black cherry and yellow poplar. In addition, on more than 175 days since 1998 ozone levels at the park were hazardous to human health.
Mercury pollution: Scientists are concerned about possible levels of mercury deposition, and recently began monitoring this toxic pollutant in Great Smoky Mountains National Park." - [LINK]
The President, chuckling softly, raised his eyebrows, "There's lots of opinions out there, lots of scientists, scientific theories out there. It's like polls really, you can find some special interest scientist to say what you want to try to scare the people into thinking anything." Shaking off his handlers, the President continued, "But I'm not worried 'bout all that. Lookit. See how green everything is? Does that look like bad stewardship to you? The volunteers that keep it green, you think they're doing a bad job? Well, I don't. I honor their initiative, keeps America great."
The next question came from a retired Park Service employee, "Mr. President, under your administration, "budgets were down at eight of the 12 parks; employee levels were reduced at all of the parks; six of the 12 parks already have or will cut visitor center hours; all six of the surveyed historic parks will allow key facilities to further deteriorate without needed maintenance; nine of the 12 parks have made cuts that will result in a reduced experience for visitors; and, most surprisingly, some parks are even cutting vital law enforcement positions needed to protect visitors and natural resources." - [LINK] How do you account for this?"
The President, being forcibly carted into the First Chopper, shouted to the questioner, "What?" and then ascended into the heavens to do the people's business.
Screwy Hoolie, live, at Cade's Cove, North Carolina.
[the event was actully rained out...you can read about it HERE]
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