God Bless America plays. The present, past and future seem to be having a jamboree, merging into a blur. Bashar of Syria, Khatami of Iran, Crown Prince Abdullah of Saudi Arabia, Mugabe of Zimbabwe, Li’l Kim of N. Korea, Osama Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein are all marching around a set of chairs, hoping to sit in one when the music stops. There's one chair too few and the last one to claim one is out. Each time someone loses, a chair is taken away and a huge mysterious beanbag falls from the sky next to the loser.


Unembedded Reporter (as bullets whiz by his head): Who’s got the Wmds?

The music stops. Saddam is out. The mysterious bag falls next to him. He's left holding it, so to speak.

Saddam: Not me! I never had them! Except the ones I purchased from the US and European companies many years ago. (Suddenly, bullets whiz by his head) Ok, Ok..everyone knows I have them…but I whisked them off to Syria just in time to be unable to use them against the US!

Rumsfeld: You’re out, Saddam. We don’t need you anymore. Now get out of here before we use our expert intelligence on your ass and blow up several innocent citizens with our precisely precise well-placed bunker busters.

The music starts again….God Bless America…..and stops. Bashar of Syria stands, holding the bag, so to speak.

Bahar: No, not me! I don’t have the WMDS! (Bullets whiz by his ears) Ok, Ok, I have them now. But I got them from Hussein! And I whisked them off to Iran just in time to be unable to use use them against the U.S. invasion.

Rumsfeld: You’re out, Syria. We don’t need you anymore. Now get out before we use our expert intelligence on your ass and blow the rest of your country away...(Much of Syria is in flames and several Syrians are seen thanking Marines for liberating them)

The music starts again. ..God bless America…it goes on a while and stops. The men scramble for the empty chair.

Khatami of Iran is left standing, holding the bag, so to speak.

Khatami: No, not me! I don’t have the WMDS! (Bullets whiz by his head) Ok, Ok, I have them now!
But I got them from Syria and whisked them off to Osama bin Laden just before we were able to use them against the U.S. Invasion.

(Bullets whiz by his ear) I mean Liberation…sorry.

Rumsfeld: You’re out, Iran…We don’t need you anymore. Now get out before we destroy more of your country with our......(Much of Iran is in flames and several Syrians are seen thanking Marines for liberating them.)


The music starts…God bless America..It goes on awhile...

Hey, stop pushing.

I'm not pushing.

Who farted?

I didnt fart.

You farted.

Good God, was that the smell of human flesh coming out your ass?

I'm not a cannibal!

You are too!

Who's the cannibal here?

The president's men giggle. The music stops. They scramble for the lone chair.

Osama bin Laden is left standing, holding the bag.

Osama: Not me! No, I’ve never had WMDs. I didn’t need them to take down America. Just a little looking the other way and some finely trained killers with 17 virgins on their mind. (A bullet whizzes by his ear) Ok! Ok! I have them now! But I got them from Iran and whisked them off to Saudi Arabia just before I could use them against the U.S…..(bullets) liberation.

Rumseld: You’re out, Osama. We’ll let you know when we need you again. Now go work on a tape. That last one was pathetic.

The music starts…God bless America…it stops.

Crown Prince Abdullah of Saudi Arabia is left holding the bag.

Saudi Arabia: Hmmm…wait…we don’t have…we never had…We are allies.

Rumseld: It’s ok, Saudi Arabia…we no longer need you. You’re not nearly as powerful as you were. Your oil is no longer worth what it used to be. Now that everyone has been liberated. So get out of here before we decide to liberate your women.

The music starts…God bless America…it stops.

Mugabe of Zimbabwe is left holding the bag.

Mugabe: No, not me.

Rumsfeld: Who the hell’s this guy?

Cheney: Not sure. Do you have WMDs?

Mugabe: No, sir. But I do have an impressive resume of atrocities against civilians. I think if you hold it up to Hussein’s that….

Rumsfeld: Get out of here! (Bullets whiz by and Mugabe runs out)

Cheney: How the hell did he get in here?

Rumsfeld: I don’t know…some dictator from some African country.

Cheney: Wolfowitz? Is he on the map?

Wolfowitz: Not yet, Dick. We have our guys working on just how we might exploit the African situation.
At the moment, we’re making a lot of money on selling weapons…

The music starts up….God Bless America…the cd begins to skip. Castro and Lil Kim look at each other, confused.
No, it's a DJ sampling a hip hop version...Castro and Lil Kim eye each other, but keep walking, circling the lone chair.
Finally, the music stops. Castro lands in Kim's lap. The mysterious bag hits him in the head.

Everybody starts laughing, wondering what Castro is doing there.

Kim: You can get off me anytime, Fidel.

Castro: Wow...whoever called you Lil Kim never played Musical Chairs with you.

Kim: Get off me, Castro!

Castro: talk about the Battle of the Bulge.

Kim: Get off me or I'll call China!

Castro: We should stick together! Just like the old days.

(The President's Men are still laughing)

Rumsfeld: Castro, are you still alive?

Castro: No sir. (he rises; bows and leaves quietly.) Think about it, Big Kim (winks)...

North Korea is the only one left; surrounded by the mysterious bags.

Unembedded Reporter (bullets whiz by his ear, just for the fun of it): Do you have WMDs?

Li’l Kim: Yes, I believe we do.

Cheney: Hmmm…diplomacy or liberation?

Powell: Diplomacy!

Rumsfeld: Liberation!

Powell: Diplomacy!

Rumsfeld: Liberation!

Powell: Diplomacy!

Rumsfeld: Liberation!!!!

Powell (getting in his face) Liberation!

Rumsfeld: Diplomacy!!!!!!!!

The two begin to scuffle. Victoria Clarke, dressed in full Dominatrix garb, with a pretty little pink sweater over it; apparently, she’s just come from a Pentagon briefing to the Media.

Victoria Clarke: Ok, boys…who wants to show me their MOAB?

All the President's Men immediately fall to their knees, waiting to be liberated.

Unembedded Reporter (bullets whiz by his heads just for the fun of it): Victoria, what’s your secret?

Victoria: (shoots him) Oops… I’m not at liberty to say. We wouldn’t want to put the troops in harm’s way, would we? And don't worry about the silly WMDs...I've already planted a few. Now, heel, boys…

All the President's Men: Yes, Ma’am!

(Inspired by comments by Mike; don't have his webpage at the moment)