Pope Accused of Trying to Delay Carnage
The Pope, in collusion with God, has been accused of trying to delay carnage in Baghdad by whipping up serious sandstorms.
An unidentified Pentagon spokesman explained: ‘Ever since the Pope came out against the President, we have been monitoring him closely. After spotting him using French Wine and French Vanilla Wafers during the Eucharist, we knew it was just a matter of time before he tried to use the Red Phone.’
The Pope replied: ‘I only use the Red Phone in emergencies. I would say this qualifies.’
According to the Unidentified Pentagon Spokesman: The Pope had indeed made contact with God…but fortunately we were able to jam the signals before the Two of them could do any more damage to freedom than just sandstorms. Unfortunately, we were unable to trace the exact coordinates of God. However, we did send a few precise smart bombs in the general direction.’
President Bush was too busy mooning over a texas tortilla that had mysteriously taken the shape of Jesus in full military garb to comment. However, some close to the President say they heard the words ‘Moab..Moab..Moab’ coming from his beatific lips.
Too preoccupied primping for the cameras and plotting the next step in the Plan for the New American Century with Richard Perle, Rupert Murdoch, Dick Cheney and the board of directors of Halliburton, the Devil had no comment.
Al Pacino has already agreed to play him in the movie. Francis Ford Coppola said that the Catholic Church is very very important to gangster movies. The contrast between the beauty of the sacrament and the horror of cold-blooded killing is essential to the creation of art.’
Martin Sheen replied: Still in Baghdad. Shit.
When Citizen Murdoch was asked if he’d ever seen Citizen Kane, Murdoch replied:
‘Kiss my Rosebud! There is only one true God…and it’s time everbody realized that!’
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