Asshole of Evil

It was a dark and stormy night and George was happy. "Can you feel it", he said. "Evildoer's everywhere". The signs had been apparent to him for some time. Back in September of 2001 George was on Air Force One flying over some fly over country, that is the nation's heartland, Kansas to be more exact. He was avoiding members of the axis of evil, though at that time they weren't called that they were the unknown unknowns.
So he is flying and looks out the window, he spots a crop circle right below him near Chapman confirming his worst fears. Aliens, yes aliens. That was it; aliens were responsible for the WTC. He ordered the military to Afghanistan an alien land if there ever was one. He was searching for bin Laden, certainly alien to the American way of life. He never found him. Perhaps a J-DAM got him or perhaps he's still hiding no one seems to know and few seem to care. Fortunately bin Laden was not the only alien. There was Saddam, the guy that tried to kill his Dad. No human would try and hurt someone's daddy he had to be an alien. George had spoken of his fear at home. Illegal aliens he said lock them up. The press misunderstood, illegal combatants they reported. George laughed, fucking press and they criticize me for misunderestimating stuff, and they laugh at my perkadillo's, pekadildos whatever. They won't be laughing long. George told the American People that evil had spread across the land. The axis of evildoers has expanded. First there were three then six and now it was nothing less than a modern day plague. God and the Supreme Court had chosen him to respond. The problem was not everyone could see the aliens. He had a poster printed, "Dead or Alive" it read. Many saw the picture but not an alien. They saw nothing but an Arab who needed his beard trimmed. Then he showed pictures of Saddam, and some blinded by the truth saw the leader of Iraq. A bad guy true enough but not an alien. Not George though, he saw deep into their souls and saw nothing human at all, just evil. Some even suggested they be given a chance to repent, a Christian Idea. But all knowing George said, "No need I've looked into their hearts, they have hardened, we'll get no repentance. Besides did you forget these are aliens." Some continued to protest but George told the press they were unpatriotic a concept alien to the American way of life. He told the congress that they would never get reelected if they didn't support him against evil, and besides they would lose their unfettered access to free cash and sexy interns. They bought it and all started beating the drums of war. "It's like masturbation once you've done it you never forget" said Trent Lott somewhat wistfully. George was giving the speech of his life. Who's your daddy that's what I want to know. Who's the alien now, motherfucker? George, George have you lost it this is the National Education Association you're speaking to. "I'm sorry", he said. I must have been dreaming. You see I keep having the same dream over and over again. I'm abducted and taken to a place with bright lights and a man with a mustache or a beard or something, but they are not humans. I think they are aliens and they are doing things to my body, it's okay it feels good, but I'm a moral man I realize I'm just being used. That's all I remember. So you see it's important that we get those aliens like Saddam and bin Laden and well we've got a list you know. I'm the President sometimes I think I'm dreaming I pinch myself all the time.

"George"

"Huh"

"George it's Dad."

"Yes Dad. I'll get them they won't hurt you any more."

"George you fuckup, Israel just nuked Iraq. The shit has hit the fan. What are you on these days?"

"Nothing Dad I promise nothing."

"Don't give me that shit George."

"Well okay I'm a little addicted to this power thing."

"Oh God George, I told you when you smoked dope in college when you drank your first beer, I told you when you started snorting that white stuff at board meetings, I told you that you'd never be satisfied you'd need more and more. What have you done George."

"I'm sorry Dad, but that's the guy that tried to kill you."

"Shut the fuck up George its over. Saddam escaped the blast he's giving a speech at the U.N. He's calling you the asshole of evil."